Low self-esteem often comes from experiences in childhood or past relationships. Constantly feeling like you’re ‘not good enough’ might mean you’re experiencing low self-esteem. [3] X Research source Building your self-esteem can take daily practice, but by learning how to appreciate your good qualities and challenging negative ‘self-talk,’ you will grow into a more confident and stronger individual. [4] X Research source
Ask yourself how your relationships have been in the past, and see if there are any patterns. Do you find it difficult to believe that someone cares about you? You might have an insecure attachment style. [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Don’t feel like having an insecure attachment style is permanent. By developing close relationships, romantic or not, with people who model a secure attachment style, you can learn to approach your relationships the same way. [7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source People with a secure attachment style tend to feel confident that others will be there for them when they need them. Try bringing more people into your life who say things like, “I know I can count on you. ”[8] X Research source Seeing a licensed therapist can also help your work through challenges with changing your attachment style. [9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Building trust with your partner, or rebuilding it after it’s been shaken, takes practice and time. You can see a couple’s therapist as well to help you navigate through difficult conversations. [11] X Research source Remember that each person in a relationship has the responsibility to treat the other with respect, especially when they’re vulnerable. Belittling or shutting down your partner can lead to secrecy and feelings of hurt. [12] X Research source
Studies have shown that, as difficult as it may be, confiding in your partner about your struggles with mental health tends to have excellent results. [14] X Research source If you haven’t talked to your partner about your mental health struggles before, you can open a conversation by saying something like, “I want to talk to you about something that I’ve been going through for some time now. ” Most people report feeling accepted by their partners after disclosing issues with their mental health, even if they felt nervous beforehand. Don’t let fears of rejection keep you from seeking support from your partner. [15] X Research source
If you catch yourself constantly thinking about your partner’s past relationships, this might be a sign that this is something you’ll need to work through. [17] X Research source Remember that while some feelings of jealousy are normal, it’s important not to let them get out of hand or take them out on your partner. [18] X Research source Acknowledge that everyone has the right to their own private feelings and thoughts, and that you cannot control this. What’s much more important is how people act in the present. [19] X Research source
Focus on the present of your relationship, rather than imagining its future. This will allow you to appreciate your relationship for what it is. [21] X Research source Trust that your partner sees and loves parts of you that you might not even see yourself. [22] X Research source
If you haven’t had an honest conversation yet about your goals for the relationship, it may be time. Take some time to ask each other where you see the relationship in 5 or 10 years. [24] X Research source Lay out the things that are most important for each of you in your relationship. If you and your partner indeed have mismatched relationship goals, it’s probably time to think about compromise. [25] X Research source
Remember you’ll be OK. With the right support, and with the ability to identify what patterns of thinking are responses to past trauma, you can make trauma play less of a role in your relationships. [27] X Research source Trauma doesn’t ruin your future, and many people are able to grow from past traumatic experiences. Past trauma can become a motivation for future success. [28] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Practicing self-care by living an active and healthy lifestyle can go a long way in helping you heal from trauma. Seeking therapy can also help you face the past in a constructive and deliberate way. [29] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
Although being in a romantic partnership comes with a lot of responsibility, it also offers a lot of support. Treat your partner as someone you can rely on, and tell them this verbally. [31] X Research source
When experiencing grief, it’s helpful to ask yourself “Who can help me with this feeling of loss, and how?” Turning to your partner for support during this time can help build security in your relationship. [33] X Research source Talking to a counselor or therapist can also help you find strategies to move on and start enjoying your life again. [34] X Research source
When speaking with your partner about your feelings of insecurity, try to use “I”-statements. For example, instead of saying “You’re untrustworthy,” say, “I feel like I’ve been struggling with feelings of trust. ”[37] X Research source For help communicating, finding a couple’s therapist is an excellent idea. They can help both you and your partner explain your feelings in the most constructive way possible, as well as find strategies to rebuild security in your relationship. [38] X Research source
